Has it been 5 years?
5 years since we said our vows.
5 years since we held our epic 3 weddings across 3 countries in 2 weeks?
I chose to write this post a little later because… I have to pause. To take it in. While we signed our papers on the 24th April, we maintained that we celebrate our anniversary on the 1st May- simply because it’s where our traditional ceremony and church wedding took place. Truth be told though, that we just pick the date when we can take time together so it changes every where when we “celebrate” it.
5 years later, we learned a few things. The biggest change this year, is of course the arrival of our son Asher. You could say that between year 4-5 of our marriage, we have to grow quickly. We learned how having a child can strengthen and provide challenges to a marriage. We learned about our weaknesses and vulnerabilities even more. We also learn how to make us a “family”.
Time will always be our biggest challenge. You would think me being at home means more time (ah, maybe I should document what I do at home one day in a post!), but in actual fact, it means as a couple we can lead even more separate lives than ever. Hubby works, wife looks after the house and baby- when we come together, we talk about our day and what happened. However, it is very very challenging to sit and have long conversations about our plans and feelings. When we do sit down in the evening, it would be the night when Asher’s teeth will bother him, or he decides that he needs more settling than usual to sleep.
So we have to learn to adapt. We take long walks with Asher in the evening for around 2-3 times a week. Not only do we get to exercise, but we relish in catching up about what we have been thinking about. As a wife, I make a mental note to really listen to what’s happening at his work. Yes, I may not be working now, but that does not mean my husband working life isn’t important to me. I listened to his concerns and his excitement (even in computer lingo). I told myself to take in the moment and enjoy being with my husband rather than to make mental lists in my head on what to do next.
We decided that on weekends, we will have at least one family lunch outside of the home. It’s really lovely to be able to explore cafes and new places to eat. That is one thing hubby and I love doing pre baby and we decided this is one thing that needs to be continued post baby as well. Preparation is everything of course, but thankfully, Asher loves his food and usually can be entertained with his own toys and rusks for 20-30 minutes while we enjoy a meal together.
I also learned about myself. I learned that I want my hubby to love me first. This may sound selfish as of course I want him to love our little boy. But sometimes, I would prefer him to look after me. It’s so easy to fall down the trap of having the focus all on Asher, than it is nice when he offered me a back rub or to cook me dinner. It took a while for the both of us to realised that we have to look after each other while we look after Asher.
Which also means my hubby wants me to love him first. It’s hard and I do forget, but what happened to “how was your day” when he walked in the door? Instead, I bombard him with what happened to Asher’s day. Even if I do that, I try to stop myself and make a note to really be there and listen to him. I started making different sorts of breakfasts and snacks for him so that when he wakes up, everything is done. He just need to grab his lunch and snacks, and heat up his breakfasts. It’s funny but men does liked to be looked after in little ways like this. I try to take over some things he usually does so that he can have stress free time with Asher over the weekends.
We set little traditions as a family. Day trips, long car rides, or just simply chilling at home over home made banana berries ice cream. We realised that even after 5 years, it is those small things that we treasure. We have God first, then us, then Asher. It is the HARDEST prioritising thing we have done and still is trying to tweak and do. I suspect this is one of those things that we have to keep a pulse on.
Last year I wrote about spending time together. This year, it extends further than that. This year, it is about how we put each other ahead of being parents. One that we continue to strive and do.
Happy Anniversary my dear hubby- I’m in awe that we have spent the last 5 years together married. Five amazing ups and downs years. 5 years today, we held our traditional wedding ceremony. 5 years ago, we prayed that we will remember this day. We are here now and more to come.